Weird Things That Happen At Gigs (party 'til you puke)

Playing live with a band involves buying, storing and carting around a huge amount of equipment from venue to venue. You load up your vehicle, you drive to the venue, you unload your vehicle at the venue and set up. You do your thing on stage and then you load up your vehicle again before unloading it for a final time at some ridiculous hour of the morning. It's just one of these things that you have to do and one of these things that if you want to play music you just have to accept. Another drawback however is that due to the large amount of equipment, unless you are famous and can pay people, you need to drive from venue to venue and can't drink!!!!! There is however an upside to this. Playing on stage, stone cold sober, you are able to see the strangest and funniest things going on, things that the audience will often not even notice. As the night gets later and more and more booze has been consumed the weirder the behaviour you can see.

A few years ago we played an outdoor festival in an English seaside town which drew a fairly large crowd who stood in a semi-circle 10 feet away from the front of the stage and in doing so created an unplanned dancing area. The usual suspects got up and 'did their thang', children, parents with children, children with parents and of course the man who had been drinking non-stop since opening time 3 days ago. Mid way through our set a fairly well dressed lady in her 70s decided to hit the dance floor and proceeded to perform rhythmic thrusts towards the audience, in time with the music, before periodically turning around to face the band and hoisting up her skirt with both hands to show us what was hidden underneath and unfortunately what was underneath was not particularly well covered.

Not long after this event we played a gig in a pub where the punters were really there to watch the football and consequently our audience consisted of about 7 people. Near the end of the set, for whatever reason, 2 men out of the 7 strong audience appeared to have a disagreement and it looked as if it was all going to kick-off. But rather than ploughing straight into each other, one of the men stripped down to his underpants and then lunged at the other man and a full blown wrestling match started. Being complete pros we continued playing as if nothing was happening whilst the 2 scarcely dressed men continued to grapple on the floor in front of us.

More recently we were playing in a very lively venue and I noticed between sets a group of ladies entering the venue and claiming a table at the side near to the stage area. They were all clearly up for a party but one of them looked as if she had had 9 too many already. We started our 2nd set and the newly arrived ladies immediately started to get up and dance to the music.. ... apart from the very drunk one. Instead, she fell asleep!!!! We were playing very loud and also we were playing very lively songs so I have no idea how she managed it but she was sitting down, quite upright but definitely asleep.

Between songs I drew attention to the fact that one of the audience had fallen asleep and challenged everyone to make as much noise to try to wake her up. We tried song after song to stir her back into consciousness but nothing would work. With 3 songs left one of her friends stumbled into her whilst dancing and she suddenly woke up, looked up and then vomited all over the place.

All credit to the venue staff who were right on hand to deal with the projectile spillage but I have never seen someone clear a dance floor quicker. Just like when we were faced with the wrestlers in underpants we remained absolute professionals and continued to play as if nothing had happened........ But we could not finish quick enough as the stink was unbearable.

Who knows what might be the next funny thing to happen at one of our gigs but when it does we will be sure to let you know.

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